If I Can Give You That

December 12, 2022
Trans 17-year-old Gael, who is white, has had trouble making friends in his Glenwood, Tenn., town; he assumes it’s because “people don’t really know what to do with me.” When his best and only real friend Nicole, a white, trans lesbian, persuades him to attend a meeting of the local LGBTQ youth support group, called Plus, he struggles to participate, feeling awkward, until he makes an unexpected connection with a Black, gay band geek, classmate Declan. As Gael opens up to Declan, he becomes more self-confident, even volunteering to fundraise for Plus. While his social life is blossoming, however, he struggles to care for his mother, who attempted suicide six years earlier and whose depression is worsening; navigate a fraught relationship with his emotionally distant father, newly back in town; and wrestle with a first crush that is complicated by dysphoria and questions surrounding his sexuality. Bulla (Letters to the Home) handles complex topics such as consent, gender and sexuality, and mental illness with nuance, and Gael’s sensitive first-person narration believably renders his internality and gradual growth in this confidently written portrait of a young queer person finding his way. Ages 14–up. Agent: Pete Knapp, Park and Fine Literary.

January 15, 2023
High school senior Gael finds community and romance while facing his mother's mental illness. Gael, a White trans boy in Tennessee, has a lot on his plate, what with trying to care for his single mother who has severe depression while working toward graduation and figuring out what to do afterward. His best friend encourages him to attend the local LGBTQ+ teen group, where he meets Declan, a Black biracial cis gay boy. The two quickly become close, but Gael's struggles with his mother's mental health, his parents' divorce, and his own gender dysphoria make it hard for him to open up. Gael's story feels both tender and real. It focuses on the difficulties of growing up with a parent who struggles with depression and suicidal ideation while never blaming her for the state of her mental health. It highlights the importance of community and finding the people you can rely on and also takes readers through Gael's process of finding his voice. Though he is already out as trans as the book opens, he still struggles to express his feelings and allow himself to live his own life. While there is excitement at the climax, overall, the book is quiet and thoughtful--a bit like Gael himself, a boy who freezes up when emotions run too high. A sweet and emotional story of queer adolescence. (Fiction. 14-18)

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February 15, 2023
Grades 9-12 High-school senior Gael has a lot on his plate: he's secretly transgender and doesn't know if he's gay or straight. Furthermore, his mother is seriously depressed and divorced from his father. Now, to Gael's fury, the man wants to come back home and insinuate himself into their lives. Meanwhile, Gael, who is white, has met a wonderful Black biracial boy named Declan. The two boys become friends, and it's obvious to everyone but Gael that queer Declan is seriously smitten with him. Their relationship remains agreeable until Declan kisses Gael, who freaks out, causing things to become seriously weird. After a great deal of agonizing, Gael reunites with Declan, but then, just as Gael asks to kiss Declan, Gael learns that his mom has attempted suicide--and, yes, he blames himself and the relationship for it. Trans man and first-time author Bulla has written a fine, character-driven novel with strong trans representation, and if Gael's somewhat-repetitive narrative becomes a bit tiresome, he remains a highly empathetic character. Readers will wish him and Declan much happiness.

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